help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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