I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
