That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
you didnt know i had herpes?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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