I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
