Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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