I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
