Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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