He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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