Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
