I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
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