I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize