Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
