judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
