oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
