A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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