im holly from the hills drunk
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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