and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm sobbing to NWA
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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