If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
