I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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