we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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