Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
