i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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