i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I wear drunk well.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
