i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
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