if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Randomize
