i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
why do cheetos always look like penises
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Randomize
