I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
