Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
