And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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