you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
this is an emotional support booty call
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize