You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Operation Purity has been aborted
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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