Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
