my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
