who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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