We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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