we're chasing vodka with high fives
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
