I didn't shave. On purpose
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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