I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
