Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize