Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
