chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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