I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
