I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
