You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
