need another drink. this is the easiest way
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
