I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
