At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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