The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
True strength comes from lack of pants
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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