Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
