I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
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