I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
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