Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
