Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
We just shotgunned beers for America
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
