It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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