is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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