Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
