Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
