i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
im six kinds of drunk right now
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
