hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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