She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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