I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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