Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
