sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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