How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
