i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
