I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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