I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
