i jhust puked up my retainher.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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