Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
