i would punch a child for taco bell
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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