Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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