and you said cock pushups were impossible
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
